An education

I was clearing out the spare room this weekend and came across the paediatrics textbook I used over thirty years ago. One of the consultants was a bit of a character, and I made a note of a few of his sayings inside the book. Since I cannot find his obituary on BMJ.com I think he must still be alive, which is a cheering thought. I thought you might appreciate this flavour of medical education three decades ago. We were well aware that his tongue was frequently in his cheek.

• (To a baby.) You know the rules, you can't wee on consultants.
• No baby is allowed to die without antibiotics, christening and cortisone.
• (Of drug companies offering sponsorship.) I suppose if you're very poor you have to take anybody's money, but otherwise you ought to be able to tell them to f*** off.
• Seeing this is enough to make Matron's knickers fall down. And when that happens, all you can say is “get them on”.
• Babies and women. Do you think they're human?
• Do try only to kill people on purpose.
• How many times do you make bad mistakes? Several every day? I only hope that when I'm nobbled I'm in the right and not in the wrong.
• Don't you think you've had enough for one day? It's my drinking hour.

 Ah, those were the days!